on frank ocean’s alleged coming out
it’s been a while; life’s been busy busy busier than i’ve ever ever experienced it to be before in any sustained kind of way.
a guy i know wrote this great piece about, well, about how it kind of sucks when people jump to decide that love and affection between black men - cis or not, gay or not, whatever - is indicative of some gay or bi or queer or same-gender-loving identity, or of an attempt to hide or deny one. it’s really beautiful.
not reblogging it because he doesn’t use tumblr - this was originally a note on facebook.
As soon as I heard about this letter by Frank Ocean and everyone responding, labeling him. I thought OMG - this man didn’t say any of that.
I was also thinking about all the hetero, bi, none labeled, (and that does come in trans and cis by the way) Black men who crush on their home boys. Who circle jerk together, watch porn, did stuff like what wonderful Nathan McCall told us about and some of us nodded because we did messed up stuff like that also, or was quiet when we knew about it (we apologize). I was thinking… I hope this doesn’t run them off, run them further underground, stop the love.
Some times Black men really love each other so much - cause we recognize no one else does - and we do fall in love, have bromances, and love and respect each other in deep profound (secret ways).
I read it like that, when I read it. I was like DAYUMMMM brother said that shit? He let it out so poetically like that? Wow. I immediately called up two friends (one female and one male) from late teenage days and reminisced about our crushes on each other back in the day. We smiled and laughed at those….’remember that’ moments that we shared, over a summer, a couple of summers, the last time before you real grown and moved away. Just before you became best friends for life!
I was shocked cause within the next few hours I saw hundred of articles and blogs claiming and naming this man’s sexuality and experience. WOW! Noooo - don’t do that! Just let the letter ride and speak for itself. Being someone who is always mislabeled by others - not just mislabeled but folks get mad when I correct them about my own shit - Sorry, no I’m not transgender, no I’m not queer, no I’m not (just) African American - folks get pissed about it cause it feels like you don’t want to belong to them, with them. That’s not it at all - you just want to name yourself - for yourself - for what feels good and true to you - not what’s popular, hip or because that’s what they’re teaching you in gender studies class these days.
I hope all those Black boys, teens and men (who may or may not be gay, bi, queer or whatever) don’t get run off, turned off from the reactions. Not the negative stuff. But the naming and claiming. I read the story three times - I didn’t see that man say he was anything other than in love with this man friend of his and shared that experience and that can mean a LOT of things.
I just hope we don’t stop loving or crushing on each other because of this. Hope we don’t stop falling in love cause we see our worth, before anyone else does. We see that we need to be loved, encouraged, slept with, dapped, nodded out for our fly ass style and flavor. Black men have been pissing off our mothers and girlfriends forever cause they don’t understand why in the world we always hanging around with each other, calling each other, texting each other, why we jump up for our home boys, why?
Cause we’re in love with each other.
Shit, I’m crushing on Frank Ocean right now and I really hope this naming and claiming doesn’t stop from him loving other brothers - regardless of what he does or doesn’t do in the bed.
—- BT —-
from ourcatastrophe“In my experience, those who are anti-sex work tend to fall within the radical feminist school of thought, a movement marked for its transphobia, whorephobia and the promotion of the idea of false-consciousness (and don’t get on me for this - if it weren’t for these factors, I may have turned out to be a radical feminist. I’m not unsympathetic to everything they have to say).But. I do NOT want the rights of sex workers fought for by the sex-positivity, pro-porn but non-sex working camp either. Because sex work and sex workers rights is not a matter of a sexual revolution.IT IS A MATTER OF LABOUR, INDUSTRIAL AND HUMAN RIGHTS.First. Foremost. Most importantly. Without compromise.”
happy may day, everyone.
in which mewmew offers his opinion on straight queers
If you are a trans guy and you think lesbians are hot, that does not make you “queer,” that makes you annoying.
A trans guy who is queer because he is QUEER, not queer because he is trans
P.S. I hate that it is nearly impossible to get you annoying fuckers to acknowledge your straight privilege. <3
Reblogging for truth (and also because I’m a queer dyke who gets tired of hearing how ‘queer’ straight trans guys are).
While I’ll say that there are plenty of non-binary trans folks for whom this is an untrue statement, not to mention the bi queer trans boys/men/dudes, OY. I so know what you’re taking about.
I see this as a vicious mix of privilege denying and internalized transphobia. Just because society says you have the same junk as a cis woman does not mean that this is a fact.
Also: FUCK YOU LESBIAN CHASERS WHO’VE CONVINCED WAY TOO MANY GUYS THIS IS OK. I’ve seen boys head-over-heels for some girl who do not recognize the shit she’s pulling on him. This is not just annoying, it’s busted as fuck.
so, yeah: there are about a billion discussions around about how or when or why it’s ok or not for [people, cis or trans, who are more-or-less exclusively binary-gendered and also attracted more-or-less exclusively to people of a sex that binarist ways of thinking would deem ‘opposite’] to identify as ‘queer’
my take on this: i’ve know queer straight people, both cis and trans, who i thought were doing interesting shit with their genders and sexualities, and who were thoughtfully and respectfully using the word ‘queer’ as a way to push themselves into new ways of being and doing; i’ve also know queer straight people, both cis and trans, who were totally obnoxious and inappropriately space-take-upping and mostly, to my eyes, using queer identity as a shield against being critiqued for heterosexist/cissexist/sexist behavior
straight trans dudes who are really really into lesbians largely (though not always) fall in the later category, in my experience (and get validated in a whole lot of cissexist dyke spaces for it)from manic-depressed-pixi-dream-bitch